He Just Doesn't See
by NinjaSquirls
Summary: Is he blind, if he can see everything but me? If he only ever looks right through me? I'm doing everything I can, but he just doesn't see what I'm trying to show him. I don't understand how he can be so blind. Yaoi, Sasunaru, threepart, flangst.
1. Attention Seeking

**A/N**: I was watching Naruto the other day, and it had one of the scenes where he tries to outdo Sasuke, and the idea suddenly struck me that all of his behavior makes sense if he is showing off to get Sasuke's attention. I'm surprised more people don't work with this idea - it seems to me to fit his character and actions rather well, and I know far too many guys who honestly think this is a workable strategy. Fools.

And a note: this will be at least a two-part story, and hopefully a three-part - this chapter, a chapter from Sasuke's perspective (which I have done already), and a chapter from either Kakashi's, Sakura's, or just third-person perspective, to wrap everything up. I will try really hard, I promise!

**Disclaimer:** And with a great clap of thunder and a shock of lightning, the heavens parted, and a distant, booming voice shook the earth with its exclamation: "NinjaSquirls does not own Naruto!"

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**He Just Doesn't See **

**Part One: Naruto**

Sasuke is blind, at least when I comes to me. I don't understand it; I've seen him spot an enemy ninja from a hundred yards away, nail a leaf to a tree with a kunai from across the training ground, catch the slight facial twitch that gave away an ally about to betray us. I know he can see, and I know he's always watching.

But when it comes to me, it's as if he were blind, because he never sees, even though it's right in front of his face. I don't understand how he can have all of those observational abilities and still look right through me, I really don't. It's not as if I'm not obvious about it; I've never been the sort to be subtle. I've practically been shouting my feelings at the top of my lungs, but somehow it just doesn't get through. I try to show him, but he never sees me. He just doesn't get it.

It's not like he's the only person who looks at me and sees only what he thinks is there. Most people look at me and see a demon; the ones who don't look at me and see a screw-up, a punk kid who can't do anything right and plays too many pranks. I'm used to it. It shouldn't bother me this much that Sasuke does the same. It shouldn't, but it does. I want him to look at me and understand why I act the way I do. I want him to see the person underneath the demon and the failure and the practical joker. I want him to hear what I'm trying to tell him in the only way I know how.

And okay, maybe my way of showing my feelings isn't as unambiguous as I'd like to think it is. I get jealous of Sakura sometimes; she's never had any qualms about openly declaring her undying love for him a dozen times a day. He may not love her back, but at least she knows that he knows how she feels. I can't do that. I wish I could, but I just can't walk up to him and tell him I love him, just like that. I can't. But if he'd ever really look at me, I know he would see it.

When I was a kid, I wanted love and acceptance, and the only way I knew how to ask for it was by acting like an idiot. Being good didn't work; nobody noticed me, and when they did, they only kicked me harder. They didn't expect the demon boy to be good; when they saw it, they refused to believe it. Being good didn't make the hatred go away, and I gave up on it pretty quick.

All I ever wanted was for people to see me, to treat me like I mattered, and I did the only thing that worked. Everyone got angry at me with I threw spitballs at the teacher, covered the walls with graffiti, balanced buckets of paint over doorways, invented gag jutsus and showed them off in class. They got angry, but at least they noticed me. As long as they were laughing at me, or yelling at me, everyone was looking at me. They might have thought they were punishing me, but they were giving me exactly what I wanted, which was attention.

Iruka was the first, and I guess the only person who ever bothered to look through what I did and see that I did it for a reason. He was the first person to listen to my bluster and my bragging and my threats and my anger and hear the words that were being repeated over and over without ever being heard. Please love me. Please care about me. Please don't hate me anymore. Everyone else just looked at me and saw a dead last loser, who failed at everything because he didn't care enough to take it seriously.

I know Sasuke knows I'm not a failure anymore. He is aware that I almost killed Haku. He knows that I defeated Neji in a fair fight. He saw me take down Gaara after he failed. We spar together every chance we get. He knows I'm just as strong as he is. But even though he knows this, I think it's never really clicked in his head. I think somewhere in there, he still believes I'm the same brat he knew in the academy.

He's right. I am still the same as I was in the academy. But he didn't know me back then. He never saw through me the way Iruka did; he never understood that all the stupid things I did were done because I desperately wanted somebody to act like they cared about me.

If he had ever realized that, he would see right through me now. He would understand that I am not like Sakura or Ino. I cannot walk up to someone and tell them I love them just like that. I can't declare my feelings with sappy poetry and cards, flowers and jewelry, tender words and hesitant kisses.

If he had ever realized that, he would understand that I have only ever learned one way to ask for love, and that is by acting like an idiot. He would know that I am showing him my feelings in the only way I know how, because it's no different from what I did when I was younger. Sure, back then I would have settled for anyone to care about me, and now I only care about Sasuke, but I haven't really changed. I still try to get people to love me by being bold enough and loud enough and obnoxious enough that they have to look at me, at least for a little while.

If he had ever realized that, he would see my actions for what they really are. He would know that I am constantly declaring my love for him. I do it by yelling at him. I do it by insulting him and calling him names. I do it by playing tricks on him. I do it by trying to show him up and prove I'm better than he is. I do it by picking fights with him, and even by trying to hurt him.

If Sasuke ever looks at me, he would see that every stupid, loud, annoying, obnoxious thing I do around him I only do to try to make him look at me and see that I love him.

But when it comes to me, Sasuke might as well be blind. He just doesn't see.

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**A/N**: I think this is the first story I've written in first person...wow. It's hard to keep the voice consistent for that long! Did I do alright? Please tell me! Review! 


	2. Blondes Are Like That

**A/N**: Okay, I will admit it. I am a horrible, evil, wicked person. I promised ages and ages ago that this story would be a two or three-parter, and then I never updated!! Bad Ninjasquirls! Bad! But actually, I've had this written since I posted the first chapter. I put off putting it up, because I really wanted to finish the third part, which will resolve the story in some way, but I'm having major writer's block with that. And then I just sort of forgot about it. But I remembered it this weekend, and I decided screw the third part. I'll get it done, or not, but either way, I want to have this up. Part 2 continues the sight/blindness theme of the first chapter, but from Sasuke's perspective. Which is fun to write, because a) he's a fucked-up narcissistic little bastard with a tendency to seize control of any story I put him in and fill it with page after page of emo ranting, and b) I think of him as more perceptive in some ways than Naruto, but also in some ways more oblivious, especially when it comes to dealing with people and emotions. He is one repressed child. So I had fun with this, and I _think_ I kept him more or less in character. Hope you like it!

**Disclaimer**: I did own Naruto...but I had to pawn it to make my tuition payments for this year. Now its Mishimoto's, and I don't know how to get it back...

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**Part Two: Sasuke**

Naruto is blind, particularly when it comes to me. I've never seen anyone so oblivious, actually; I've seen him walk straight into traps he didn't even notice, walk through the woods for miles without ever catching on that he was being stalked, try to escape an enemy only to run right into his crony. He just doesn't pay attention, even to the things that are right in front of his face.

But when it comes to me, his blind spot could block out entire continents. It doesn't matter what I do. He just refuses to see. I don't understand how he can live so firmly in his own world, but he does, and nothing I do seems to penetrate it. I do everything I can to show him how I feel, but even when he looks at me, he just stares right through me. He just doesn't get it.

There were times that I thought Naruto was the only one who understood that I was a real person, not a paper cut-out of the perfect ninja. Everyone but him was too busy being awed by the Last Uchiha Prodigy. I'd walk by, and they wouldn't see me; they'd see an ideal, a tragedy, a living memorial to the strength and the folly of my clan. They admired me without knowing me, pitied me without caring about me.

Naruto was the first person since the death of my family to tell me he hated me, and I loved him for it. I loved that he didn't believe in the perfection that everyone else saw in me; he looked at me and saw only a person, a flawed, imperfect person that he didn't like. I loved that when he shouted hateful insults, he shouted them at me, the person that he saw, because he did not fear or worship or stand in awe of me. There have been times that I thought Naruto was the only one who saw me.

Now I'm not so sure about that, because if Naruto could see me, he would realize what I have been trying to tell him. I am not like him. I cannot shout all my thoughts and feelings at the top of my lungs. I cannot walk around with my heart bare for all to see. I wish I could be bold like he is, but I can't. But I have my own ways of showing Naruto how I feel about him, and I know he would see them, if he would only look at me.

I have never learned how to show my feelings openly. One of the first lessons my father taught me was that Uchihas do not do that. Uchihas are always calm and collected. Uchihas are always reserved. Uchihas always have control. Uchihas do not play all their cards at once. Uchihas do not leave themselves open. It was a lesson I learned well.

When my family died at the hands of my brother, emotion just seemed like one more weakness, one more difference between myself and Itachi, one more thing I would have to get rid of if I ever hoped to defeat him. Caring about people made me hesitate in doing everything that had to be done. Loving someone made them vulnerable to being attacked. Having feelings only meant that I could be hurt again. It was much easier to be cold, easier to ignore people, easier to push people away, easier to keep what I felt to myself, easier to keep my face hard and my voice steady. It made me stronger. It made me a better ninja.

If I could walk up to Naruto one day and tell him how I felt, I would. But I have spent too many years learning how to be cold, learning how to keep control, learning how to keep things secret. I know that Naruto looks at me and sees the control and the lies, sees the coldness, and believes it. I know he thinks that I really don't have any feelings aside from anger and hate and contempt. I can't blame him for thinking that, I suppose; I spent a lot of time convincing people that my mask was the truth. I just never thought that he would be fooled too.

Even though I cannot tell him, though, I have tried to show him how I feel, and I don't understand why he doesn't see it. Sometimes I think that he is too lost in himself to see the person I have become in the time he has known me. He is so busy being loud and obnoxious and challenging me to fights and calling me names and insulting me and boasting about his adventures that he looks through me. He thinks I am the same person he knew when we were first teammates, the same indifferent, arrogant brat that he knew back then. He cannot see that I have changed, at least toward him.

I don't really believe that, though. Most of the time I think that it is just that he is too ready to see his own influence in my changes. He thinks that he has changed me, made me more open, made me kinder, made me care about people more. I don't know how he can be so blind. I don't know why he doesn't understand that the way I act around him is not the way I act around everyone else. I don't understand why he doesn't see that if I have changed, it is only for him.

He thinks I have gotten better about being touched, because he tackles me in the morning and I only growl and shove him off. He doesn't realize that if Kiba tried to do the same, I would cripple him. He thinks I've gotten more generous, because I'll let him talk me into paying for ramen after missions. He doesn't realize that when Sakura does the same, I don't mind brushing her off. He thinks I've gotten better about trusting in others' abilities, because I trust him to do his share in a fight. He doesn't realize that I only do that because I know how strong he is.

Naruto thinks I've gotten better to everyone, and he thinks that I still hate him. He thinks I hate him because I call him names. He thinks I hate him because I insult him. He thinks I hate him because I act as though my superiority is a given. He thinks I hate him because I fight him, and sometimes I hurt him.

I don't know why he doesn't see that if I hated him, I wouldn't do any of that. I don't call Ino names. I don't spend hours thinking of ways to insult Neji. I don't let any of my fangirls goad me into fights day after day. If I hate someone, I do not tolerate their presence. I avoid them at all costs.

If Naruto had ever realized this, he would see my actions for what they really are. He would see that I am declaring my love for him in the only way I can allow myself. I do it by letting him talk to me, even if I don't listen. I do it by letting him sit next to me, even if I complain. I do it by letting myself get goaded into fights, by insulting him back when he insults me, by calling him names when he does the same. I do it by rolling my eyes and calling him an idiot when he pulls another stupid prank.

If Naruto ever looks at me, he would see that if I didn't love him, I wouldn't tolerate him and his hyperactivity and his stupidity and his loudness and his obnoxiousness and his obliviousness. I would just walk away from him and find someone who would make my life less complicated.

But Naruto has always been blind. He just won't see.

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A/N: Okay, as I said, I've reeeeeeally hit a wall with the third chapter, so I'm taking suggestions. I'm wavering between a first person perspective from either Sakura or Kakashi's point of view, or a third person perspective which actually includes some plot type stuff. Opinions? 


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